July 2006
First of all I need to say I was born and raised in South Dakota. In July my two girlfriends met me in Sioux Falls, South Dakota and we started a fantastic road trip across the state of South Dakota. The day we all arrived we met up with a few of my high school friends, Butch and Chuck. We visited for a while and then went to dinner. We were met there by my sister Brenda, her friend Tim, her daughter Alicia, and Alicia's boyfriend Andrew. After dinner we went back to our room and viisted some more. At that time Brenda, Tim, Alicia & Andrew went home. From there Jim, Judy, Tanya, Chuck, Butch and I went dancing at Borrowed Bucks. That was so much fun.
We danced until 1:30 a.m. We were exhausted!
The next morning we all met for breakfast. Butch had to go back to Oregon, Jim headed to Rapid City, Chuck was driving his truck, Judy, Tanya and I were in our rental and we headed to Gettysburg. This is my hometown. First we stopped in Mitchell to see the Corn Palace and to eat lunch, then we headed for Gettysburg. This is where my mom and step dad live.
This is a 3-4 hour drive so us girls had plenty of time to chat and giggle and talk. We get together and start getting silly and have alot of fun. By the time we got to mom's we were hungry and in need of a drink. We went to pick mom and Ralph up and went to get dinner. Dinner was delicious, the steaks in South Dak. are always so good. It is good to be home again.
Gettysburg is a very small town, about 1700 people. We stayed in a little hotel. The first morning I got up to go walking and visit with mom. Tanya rolled over and asked for some McDonald's breakfast. There is no McD's in Gettysburg, did I tell you there are about 1700 people there??? Tanya was worried she wouldn't have anything to eat. We were staying right next to the Medicine Rock cafe so no need to worry. Later we did main street and played Scrabble with mom. That night we went out to the river to eat steaks again. YUMMY!
After eating we dropped off the parents and went bar hopping. We danced and giggled until we were exhausted.
Off we go to the next leg of our trip, we headed to Rapid City. That took about 4 hours. We were greeted by big sister Paula and friends and family, they cooked for us and we sat around enjoying the beautiful weather and getting to know each other. The next day we piled into Cammy's suburban and went sight seeing. For those of you who are not familiar with Rapid City that is where Mt. Rushmore is. Tanya and Judy had never seen the faces so that was fun to take them to see that and stopping and eating and drinking whenever the mood struck us.
One night we met up with my aunt and uncle and some cousins. The next day Judy and Jim left, it was sad to see them go.
Then Tanya had to leave. Our trip came to an end. I stayed a few more days and visited with more family. My aunt and cousin from Wisconsin came to visit and of course I had to see my step mother and catch up on her life.
Coming back to Baton Rouge was sort of a let down but it was good to be back home. Although I love visiting with mom and my sisters it is good to be home with hubby and see the boys and the grandsons.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Grandchildren are the best!
I lost my job on the 11th of January. I knew I should not have gone to work for attorneys but I did it anyway, that is what I am use to doing. I seemed to get burned by them everytime and this last time was no exception. So, I am unemployed once again.
Last week when I called my daughter in law and told her of my job situation the first thing out of her mouth was "Come and help me." So, since I was needing a Mark fix I jumped at the chance. I left on Monday and stayed until Friday. Mark is a delightful baby, very content and is on a schedule which makes him easy to take care of. He is trying to walk and I am sure by the time he is a year old he will be walking.
When I got back to Baton Rouge I was able to pick Wesley up from his pre-school and spend the afternoon with him. At the end of the day we met his daddy for dinner. Saturday Wesley and I had tickets to the puppet show Hansel and Gretel, what a delightful time that was. We enjoyed it very much and are looking forward to another one.
August 14, 2006
I had forgotten I started this post and didn't finish. So much has happened since this posting. Mark is going to get a baby brother any day now and Wesley has just started kindergarten. Wesley is a very bright young man and constantly amusing his whole family with whatever he comes up with. Mark is walking and starting to talk and is quite an entertainer. His smile is contagious.
Tonight we went out to eat to celebrate Wesley's first day of kindergarten. He was so cute. He said he took a nap at school and slept like a bat. Wesley does not like naps and so that is a surprise that he actually fell asleep. I asked him if there were any cute girls and he said "Stop that!" This place where we went to eat is chinese food and they cook it in front of you. They are very entertaining. Anyway, Wesley enjoys that place and we told them it was his first day at kindergarten and they misunderstood and thought it was his birthday, so they brought a cake out and sang Happy Birthday to him. We all thought that was funny!
Grandchildren are delightful little people!
Last week when I called my daughter in law and told her of my job situation the first thing out of her mouth was "Come and help me." So, since I was needing a Mark fix I jumped at the chance. I left on Monday and stayed until Friday. Mark is a delightful baby, very content and is on a schedule which makes him easy to take care of. He is trying to walk and I am sure by the time he is a year old he will be walking.
When I got back to Baton Rouge I was able to pick Wesley up from his pre-school and spend the afternoon with him. At the end of the day we met his daddy for dinner. Saturday Wesley and I had tickets to the puppet show Hansel and Gretel, what a delightful time that was. We enjoyed it very much and are looking forward to another one.
August 14, 2006
I had forgotten I started this post and didn't finish. So much has happened since this posting. Mark is going to get a baby brother any day now and Wesley has just started kindergarten. Wesley is a very bright young man and constantly amusing his whole family with whatever he comes up with. Mark is walking and starting to talk and is quite an entertainer. His smile is contagious.
Tonight we went out to eat to celebrate Wesley's first day of kindergarten. He was so cute. He said he took a nap at school and slept like a bat. Wesley does not like naps and so that is a surprise that he actually fell asleep. I asked him if there were any cute girls and he said "Stop that!" This place where we went to eat is chinese food and they cook it in front of you. They are very entertaining. Anyway, Wesley enjoys that place and we told them it was his first day at kindergarten and they misunderstood and thought it was his birthday, so they brought a cake out and sang Happy Birthday to him. We all thought that was funny!
Grandchildren are delightful little people!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Being a Birth Mother
I am a birth mother. If you don't know what that means let me explain. I had a child before I was married and had to give him up for adoption. He is my first born son and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. This was in 1972, in a very small town in the midwest and I was 19 years old, this pretty much has defined my life. I wish I could go back and do things differently. For about 20 years I had pushed this trauma in the back of my brain and tried not to think about it. One day at church there was a young lady, pregnant and not married. I don't even remember her name. I said to myself "I was there once." Then I had doubts because I had tried so hard to forget that part of my life not because it was so horrible but because it was painful to think that I had to give up a part of myself, my first born son. I spoke with an older lady in the church and told her about me (I didn't dare tell anyone for fear of being judge). She was really quite sweet and encouraged me to counsel women when they were in this position. Of course nowadays it is not shamed or frowned upon to be pregnant or to give up a child for adoption. It is open and talked about.
When people ask me how many children I have do I say 2 or 3? If I say 2 then I feel like a liar, if I say 3 I am lying also because he isn't mine, he belongs to someone else. But I gave birth to him. How do you not claim someone like that?
I have had contact with him and he does not seem to care for me. I have made mistakes in our "reunion" and I am not sure he has forgiven me. He just seems so angry. I wish there were some magical word that I could say that he would think I was interesting or that we had something in common. I would like him in my life. I am not sure what category that would fit in. I cannot mother him, nor does he need that. I guess all I would like is to be friends, to actually be acknowledged that I did exist. I email him and respond to his postings on this blog but he does not respond to me at all. That is so frustrating and maddening. Something would be better than nothing. Sometimes I think about giving up and just going away but I don't believe I should do that. I want him to know that I will always be here no matter what.
As birthmothers we get crumbs from our birthchildren. Whatever little bit of anything they will give us we cobble up and rejoice for days or months. It is pitiful. I am thankful for the sons I raised. If it weren't for them I would probably be consumed by this birthson.
So, here I am wishing and hoping and wondering what to do with this situation. Shall I give up or go away, shall I keep subjecting myself to his anger, to his ignoring me. I don't deserve this treatment. I wouldn't allow my own sons to do this to me but yet I take his abuse and keep responding to him.
When people ask me how many children I have do I say 2 or 3? If I say 2 then I feel like a liar, if I say 3 I am lying also because he isn't mine, he belongs to someone else. But I gave birth to him. How do you not claim someone like that?
I have had contact with him and he does not seem to care for me. I have made mistakes in our "reunion" and I am not sure he has forgiven me. He just seems so angry. I wish there were some magical word that I could say that he would think I was interesting or that we had something in common. I would like him in my life. I am not sure what category that would fit in. I cannot mother him, nor does he need that. I guess all I would like is to be friends, to actually be acknowledged that I did exist. I email him and respond to his postings on this blog but he does not respond to me at all. That is so frustrating and maddening. Something would be better than nothing. Sometimes I think about giving up and just going away but I don't believe I should do that. I want him to know that I will always be here no matter what.
As birthmothers we get crumbs from our birthchildren. Whatever little bit of anything they will give us we cobble up and rejoice for days or months. It is pitiful. I am thankful for the sons I raised. If it weren't for them I would probably be consumed by this birthson.
So, here I am wishing and hoping and wondering what to do with this situation. Shall I give up or go away, shall I keep subjecting myself to his anger, to his ignoring me. I don't deserve this treatment. I wouldn't allow my own sons to do this to me but yet I take his abuse and keep responding to him.
New Year's Day
Good morning all!
I hope you all had a fun New Year's Eve and did not celebrate too much. We stayed home with our grandson, Wesley who is 5. My husband is sick and so it was not a good idea to go and expose him to anyone. Lucas (Wesley's daddy) came over later last night, not feeling well either and spent the night. It was my intention to take Wesley to church this morning but doing that I would wake up the household. Lucas got up about 7:30 and crawled in my bed, since I was up, where Wesley is sleeping. Hubby is in the back bedroom with the steamer on. So, it looks like it will be a yucky day at the Honeysuckle Hospital.
I hope you all had a fun New Year's Eve and did not celebrate too much. We stayed home with our grandson, Wesley who is 5. My husband is sick and so it was not a good idea to go and expose him to anyone. Lucas (Wesley's daddy) came over later last night, not feeling well either and spent the night. It was my intention to take Wesley to church this morning but doing that I would wake up the household. Lucas got up about 7:30 and crawled in my bed, since I was up, where Wesley is sleeping. Hubby is in the back bedroom with the steamer on. So, it looks like it will be a yucky day at the Honeysuckle Hospital.
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