I lost my job on the 11th of January. I knew I should not have gone to work for attorneys but I did it anyway, that is what I am use to doing. I seemed to get burned by them everytime and this last time was no exception. So, I am unemployed once again.
Last week when I called my daughter in law and told her of my job situation the first thing out of her mouth was "Come and help me." So, since I was needing a Mark fix I jumped at the chance. I left on Monday and stayed until Friday. Mark is a delightful baby, very content and is on a schedule which makes him easy to take care of. He is trying to walk and I am sure by the time he is a year old he will be walking.
When I got back to Baton Rouge I was able to pick Wesley up from his pre-school and spend the afternoon with him. At the end of the day we met his daddy for dinner. Saturday Wesley and I had tickets to the puppet show Hansel and Gretel, what a delightful time that was. We enjoyed it very much and are looking forward to another one.
August 14, 2006
I had forgotten I started this post and didn't finish. So much has happened since this posting. Mark is going to get a baby brother any day now and Wesley has just started kindergarten. Wesley is a very bright young man and constantly amusing his whole family with whatever he comes up with. Mark is walking and starting to talk and is quite an entertainer. His smile is contagious.
Tonight we went out to eat to celebrate Wesley's first day of kindergarten. He was so cute. He said he took a nap at school and slept like a bat. Wesley does not like naps and so that is a surprise that he actually fell asleep. I asked him if there were any cute girls and he said "Stop that!" This place where we went to eat is chinese food and they cook it in front of you. They are very entertaining. Anyway, Wesley enjoys that place and we told them it was his first day at kindergarten and they misunderstood and thought it was his birthday, so they brought a cake out and sang Happy Birthday to him. We all thought that was funny!
Grandchildren are delightful little people!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Being a Birth Mother
I am a birth mother. If you don't know what that means let me explain. I had a child before I was married and had to give him up for adoption. He is my first born son and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. This was in 1972, in a very small town in the midwest and I was 19 years old, this pretty much has defined my life. I wish I could go back and do things differently. For about 20 years I had pushed this trauma in the back of my brain and tried not to think about it. One day at church there was a young lady, pregnant and not married. I don't even remember her name. I said to myself "I was there once." Then I had doubts because I had tried so hard to forget that part of my life not because it was so horrible but because it was painful to think that I had to give up a part of myself, my first born son. I spoke with an older lady in the church and told her about me (I didn't dare tell anyone for fear of being judge). She was really quite sweet and encouraged me to counsel women when they were in this position. Of course nowadays it is not shamed or frowned upon to be pregnant or to give up a child for adoption. It is open and talked about.
When people ask me how many children I have do I say 2 or 3? If I say 2 then I feel like a liar, if I say 3 I am lying also because he isn't mine, he belongs to someone else. But I gave birth to him. How do you not claim someone like that?
I have had contact with him and he does not seem to care for me. I have made mistakes in our "reunion" and I am not sure he has forgiven me. He just seems so angry. I wish there were some magical word that I could say that he would think I was interesting or that we had something in common. I would like him in my life. I am not sure what category that would fit in. I cannot mother him, nor does he need that. I guess all I would like is to be friends, to actually be acknowledged that I did exist. I email him and respond to his postings on this blog but he does not respond to me at all. That is so frustrating and maddening. Something would be better than nothing. Sometimes I think about giving up and just going away but I don't believe I should do that. I want him to know that I will always be here no matter what.
As birthmothers we get crumbs from our birthchildren. Whatever little bit of anything they will give us we cobble up and rejoice for days or months. It is pitiful. I am thankful for the sons I raised. If it weren't for them I would probably be consumed by this birthson.
So, here I am wishing and hoping and wondering what to do with this situation. Shall I give up or go away, shall I keep subjecting myself to his anger, to his ignoring me. I don't deserve this treatment. I wouldn't allow my own sons to do this to me but yet I take his abuse and keep responding to him.
When people ask me how many children I have do I say 2 or 3? If I say 2 then I feel like a liar, if I say 3 I am lying also because he isn't mine, he belongs to someone else. But I gave birth to him. How do you not claim someone like that?
I have had contact with him and he does not seem to care for me. I have made mistakes in our "reunion" and I am not sure he has forgiven me. He just seems so angry. I wish there were some magical word that I could say that he would think I was interesting or that we had something in common. I would like him in my life. I am not sure what category that would fit in. I cannot mother him, nor does he need that. I guess all I would like is to be friends, to actually be acknowledged that I did exist. I email him and respond to his postings on this blog but he does not respond to me at all. That is so frustrating and maddening. Something would be better than nothing. Sometimes I think about giving up and just going away but I don't believe I should do that. I want him to know that I will always be here no matter what.
As birthmothers we get crumbs from our birthchildren. Whatever little bit of anything they will give us we cobble up and rejoice for days or months. It is pitiful. I am thankful for the sons I raised. If it weren't for them I would probably be consumed by this birthson.
So, here I am wishing and hoping and wondering what to do with this situation. Shall I give up or go away, shall I keep subjecting myself to his anger, to his ignoring me. I don't deserve this treatment. I wouldn't allow my own sons to do this to me but yet I take his abuse and keep responding to him.
New Year's Day
Good morning all!
I hope you all had a fun New Year's Eve and did not celebrate too much. We stayed home with our grandson, Wesley who is 5. My husband is sick and so it was not a good idea to go and expose him to anyone. Lucas (Wesley's daddy) came over later last night, not feeling well either and spent the night. It was my intention to take Wesley to church this morning but doing that I would wake up the household. Lucas got up about 7:30 and crawled in my bed, since I was up, where Wesley is sleeping. Hubby is in the back bedroom with the steamer on. So, it looks like it will be a yucky day at the Honeysuckle Hospital.
I hope you all had a fun New Year's Eve and did not celebrate too much. We stayed home with our grandson, Wesley who is 5. My husband is sick and so it was not a good idea to go and expose him to anyone. Lucas (Wesley's daddy) came over later last night, not feeling well either and spent the night. It was my intention to take Wesley to church this morning but doing that I would wake up the household. Lucas got up about 7:30 and crawled in my bed, since I was up, where Wesley is sleeping. Hubby is in the back bedroom with the steamer on. So, it looks like it will be a yucky day at the Honeysuckle Hospital.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)